wish i would have had this for the person that parked next to me this morning at the school.

I’m starting to regret taking classes this semester.  It’s really just A LOT to handle with a husband that works and goes to school full time and a job of my own, and a baby.   I’m pretty content with everything that we are able to get accomplished given our busy  schedules and lack of daycare (by choice.)   I mean, if the laundry or dishes get done, someone completes a school assignment, and/or if someone gets a bath/shower it’s a good day.

It’s not really regret I guess that I’m in school—I love school. It’s just I feel like I could be spending that time at work making more money for us so we can make ends meet a little bit better.  It really feels like a waste here anyway since I could have finished up in Oklahoma in less than the time I’ve been living here.   Regret I guess, but things are what they are and I’m moving on.  And I don’t really want to hear that I need to finish school because the costs outweigh the benefits right now.   Plus,   I am okay with not finishing here.   I don’t think less of myself, and I don’t think anyone else should either because I’m a grown woman and I make my own decisions.  I’ve never been the kind of person to tell someone else what they should do, and I’ve encountered people in baton rouge that must have missed out on some vital childhood lessons like “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  or more general things like, “mind your business.”

I was harassed a while back by some guy just begging me to tell him to mind his own business,and I mean, if you are going to pester a stranger for that specific statement, than you already know that you are acting out of line.   And people that stare at my tattoos or earrings/nose ring, I kind of just weed them out of importance. Because it’s fucking rude to stare.

And I don’t stare at people, even if they are funny-looking, or are staring at me.     I wish that people would treat me with the same politeness that I treat them with.  I’m kind of curious as to what Sophia is gonna think of me and shannon when she gets bigger.  And I wonder if she’ll want to go to church or won’t like the music we like,or if she’ll be really smart or really good at sports.  I just can’t wait for her personality to come out more….I can’t wait to find out who she is going to be.

Sophia is getting so big already….crawling, exploring, pulling rice dispensers down on top of her (um, this made me cry) , discovering dangers around every corner, understanding more of the world around her.  It’s insane how fast it’s gone.   I love my family so much.  I never knew it could be so fantastic to have a baby!  But I know no matter what I love her forever—more than I’ve ever loved anything in the world.

I’m pretty sure one of those markings on the packing materials has got a baby with a mark over it, as in, this is probably not a toy for your baby…..but I was right there, and she looks pretty damned excited about nomming on it.

this space is pretty neglected.

I just don’t have the time or energy to write that much anymore.  Today I’m thinking I’m done with school.  I’m just tired of trying to do too much.  I’m looking in the mirror this morning and after eight hours of sleep I still have bags under my eyes and a bad feeling lingering over me after more nightmares.   That’s been going on for about a week or two now.  Our front lawn hasn’t been mowed in a month (shannon’s doing this right now) and I can hear baby crawling down the hall towards me.   I just want to be here more, and I hate the days when I leave before anyone is awake, struggle to find a space to park the car at school, sit through a lecture that doesn’t inspire but rather makes me more depressed, then I pop in after class for lunch and then it’s off to work, giving me maybe an hour or two with Sophia and Shannon for lunch and if I’m lucky thirty minutes or more when I get home from work.

Tigerweekly.  Done.   I can’t shoot the bars anymore because of the last time I went out.  Some guy hit me pretty hard with a bag of ice, on purpose, and I just don’t understand people.  It’s really not worth the money, and I don’t need any help being more sad about the kinds of people that go to those places.

I love my family so much, and being in these strange situations with people I don’t know or care about make me want to be at home even more.  Just when I start feeling comfortable, happy…I’m back to where I started.   hating baton rouge.

But the more I think about it, the less I think it’s the town, and the more I think it’s the college crowd.

I need a t-shirt that says 

“I went on vacation and all I got was this lousy tick on my leg.”

Seriously.  gross.   a tick.  on my leg.

We went on a week-long vacay to see my mom and dad in Wade, Oklahoma, my sister and my brother-in-law and shannon’s dad in Norman, OK,some of our friends in OKC, my grandma in Muskogee, OK, and then to shannon’s mom and little sister’s in Jacksonville, Arkansas!!!  Seriously.   Tired!   I’m  SOOOOOO glad to be at home.  Being on the road gets tiring after a while.  and that was only a week of it. 

Pictures here:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/emilystrange/

sophia and I  both got a nap this afternoon   (two hours!!!)

win, win,  win!

ohhi!

spell check on craigslist.

or maybe it’s better without….that way you can weed out the dummies.

When Sophia is asleep and I say the words “happy” or “smile”  she will smile in her sleep!  Everytime!   

So cute!         I love it. 

I really miss going to bars.    Me and shannon need a night out to go play some darts and have some drinks!   Well, me have drinks that is!   I mean, I really really miss those nights in OKC where we would go out with friends and either just hang out or go play darts…..hudsons with the s bucks crew, poor richards with stephen, and that bar at 50 Penn that had the amazing pizza with Ashley and Jesse!  

We need some more nights like those! 

also….

I made my first student loan repayment yesterday.  I guess since I took a semester off I’m liable for the July payment, even though I’m going back to school in August.   If anything, this should be extreme motivation to finish my degree.  This payment was 70 dollars for ONE loan.  After 5 1/2 years of college i finally have a grant for school.   

why the HELL did it take this long!?   Oh, that’s right cause my parents made too much money for me to qualify even though I was paying for school.    so unfair.